A journey to humility: Hope's failure; God's faithfulness, Part 3
My senior year served as a faithful reminder of God's blessings. I told my mom at the beginning of the year I was going to try every event I could. I had TP, six speeches, and I randomly decided to do moot court and LD, participating in eight qualifying tournaments in total. The biggest difference between this year and other years was the genuine contentment I felt, even if I never broke again. I had worked on my contentment the year prior, but this year I finally felt completely satisfied. From there, I worked hard, praying that I would do everything with excellence for the glory of God. It makes such a difference. Each tournament was full of joy and kindness from the Lord.
My first tournament of the year was the first taste of God’s kindness. My partner and I went 3-3 in TP debate and I was perfectly content. We got the 6th round bye which was surprisingly my first bye ever. But I was relieved to get that time of rest and just sat and talked with friends. I never felt an urge to cry or be upset. My whole tournament had been a whirlwind, participating in five speeches and TP. I saw the Lord’s renewed mercy for me every morning of that tournament, but I had no way of predicting the kindness the Lord would lavish on me. I placed 5th in my After Dinner Speech. This was just the beginning of God’s graciousness to me, though I did not deserve it.
Next, I attended Black Mountain. I did not break at all, but I got to meet several online friends and never felt any hurt when I did not hear my name called. The time with friends was sweet, but my trust in Christ was sweeter. My admissions counselor from PHC was there and she came up to comfort me after not breaking. I remember telling her, “I can’t even pretend to be upset or sad about it. It’s like this overwhelming peace has passed over me. I finally understand what God meant when the Bible talks about peace that passes all understanding because right now it makes no sense for me to be this joyful and yet I am.”
In December, I randomly decided to do moot court and the perfect partner seemed to come out of nowhere. The novice that I had lost an LD round to in my brat year became the best moot partner and friend I could’ve asked for. Moot Court unleashes some of the weirdest adrenaline highs I have ever felt and I loved it. But we were awful at it, and I mean like 0-6 awful. It was my worst record ever in anything, but I could not have been happier. That record had no effect on me. Finally, I was free from the bondage of perfection and success. Later on, we tried again, and to my surprise, both of our names were called for speaker awards! We went 3-3 and I could not have been more shocked.
The second regional qualifier brought a different blessing. I had struggled significantly with my Digital Presentation throughout the season. I loved my topic and wanted to share it with as many people as possible. Unfortunately, I was getting a lot of negative comments as it was a very sensitive subject. I was determined to reduce the tension my speech caused so that it would be easy to listen to and, at the second qualifier, I finally achieved that goal. I broke in my DP and placed 5th. I had prayed “Lord, if you want to impact three more judges with my speech, I trust you to provide, but I also trust you to work in the hearts of those who hear my speeches in the preliminary rounds.” For the first time, I viewed breaking as another chance to impact hearts for Christ, not as a personal gain.
The final regional qualifier was very eventful. Each round was slightly scary because it could very well be my last TP tournament ever. This is where I had to face my claim, would I actually be content if I never broke in debate? While the stress was high, God sustained my commitment to be content in whatever circumstance. As I walked into my last prelim round, I felt a wave of peace over me again. When announcements came the next day, I knew I was going to have a lot of emotions to deal with. And sure enough, my emotions were quite hard to contain. We broke. After 5 full years, I had finally reached that goal. I had earned four wins and it was real. Instead of jumping up and screaming, I sat there thanking God in shock. Friends hugged me and congratulated me out of excitement instead of pity. The Lord also allowed me to break in DP, ADS, and Apologetics (something I was new at that year).
I had one last tournament before regionals, an online open. I didn’t plan on doing debate at this tournament. But right before the signup closed, I decided to try LD one more time, just for fun. I spent a week prepping and had so much fun in my rounds. Never have I been so happy to receive a 3-3 record in LD, yet the Lord worked it for his glory as well. I knew there was no way I could take credit for that, especially considering the small amount of work I had put in.
Regionals in my senior year was like a dream. I was there for Digital Presentation, After Dinner Speaking, Apologetics, and Team Policy. What was even more dream-like was when 5 out of 7 TP teams broke, my partner and I were one of them. I had never broken in debate and now they were telling me I broke twice in one year? At the regional championship? Blessing after blessing, God provided all season long. My DP broke as well - the speech I wanted to qualify to Nationals. Once in finals, I started to get worried. I could do nothing else but trust the Lord. Several finalists' names were called. Then my turn, “In fifth place, Hope Thigpen.” I started to walk up to the stage, head held high, thinking, “Ok Hope, you didn’t get to nationals, but life will move on,” but then I heard my Regional Director ask, “Hope, how would you like to go to Nationals?” Immediately tears started falling from my eyes. I walked across the stage, not knowing what to think. As I returned to my seat, I felt His peace again, calming my shock. After my awful pride and attitude, God was still overflowing his kindness onto me.
Then finally, nationals, my last NCFCA tournament. I enjoyed every moment of this tournament, spending time with friends and watching rounds. Before each of my rounds, I prayed for the Lord to bless my judges and their reception of my message. Nationals gave me nine more judges to hopefully bless through my speech. Well, nine until I broke to quarter-finals. Then I had three more. I was sure my journey would end there. I thought, “God has lavished his kindness so much already, I don’t see how He would give me more,” yet He did. I again broke, this time to semi-finals. But it was about this time that I started to feel a little sore throat. I tried to shake it off and blame it on speaking so much. That would probably have made sense if another friend wasn’t also complaining about a sore throat.
The next morning, I woke up feeling like a train had hit me. I had absolutely no voice and my body was so weak. I went to speech breaks with my mom and stayed by her side the whole time. When it came time for DP finals breaks, I was barely able to pay attention. My name was said and it echoed in my head for a minute. I was in nationals finals. Sick little me was in nationals finals. Once it hit me, fear immediately filled my head. I would not be able to speak. I hugged my mom and started to cry. I can’t imagine what the poor lady seated on the other side of me thought, watching a girl who just broke, cry in her mother’s arms out of fear.
Several of my friend’s moms found us and offered tea, medicine, and anything that could possibly help me. My mother made tea for me and informed me that I was the first speaker in the finals room. Sleep-deprived, sickly me slowly walked over to the building. I managed to whisper “thank you” as I was showered with congratulations. I drank the tea and continued to worry about how I was going to speak. I had not been able to talk above a whisper and even that hurt awfully.
“I knew in that second that God had healed my voice for just the right amount of time. All my worry was worthless because God always had a plan. I should’ve trusted Him when He placed me in finals without a voice. I should’ve known He would give me a strong voice to speak when He wanted me to speak.”
As I waited, I watched the room fill up. Every Communications chair had been stolen from the hallway in order to fit all the people who came to watch. Several sweet friends surrounded me in prayer. As I began to walk in, I prayed with my mom and said goodbye (I never let her watch me and that wasn’t gonna change in the moment I was most nervous). I set up my laptop and as I introduced myself, my normal voice appeared. It didn’t even sound like I was sick at all. Every word flowed out of my mouth effortlessly without a single verbal slip-up. I finished, holding back tears in my eyes until I left the room. Once I had left, my hushed voice reappeared and my throat hurt again. I knew in that second that God had healed my voice for just the right amount of time. All my worry was worthless because God always had a plan. I should’ve trusted Him when He placed me in finals without a voice. I should’ve known He would give me a strong voice to speak when He wanted me to speak.
I finished Nationals in 4th place in Digital Presentation. Soli Deo Gloria. The Lord was ever so gracious and kind to me in my senior year, far beyond what I ever deserved. But He had to bring me to a place where I would give him the glory instead of taking it for myself. I went from thinking I deserved success to knowing success was far from anything I deserved. When you learn to rest in Christ, He gives you peace that passes all understanding and a true longing for His glory to shine brightest.
Want to know the struggles Hope faced leading up to her senior year? Read part 1 here, which provides context to Hope’s journey.
